Oct 9, 2026
theonion.com
FBI Classifies Not Finishing Hamburger As Seditious Activity
Bro, what??
WASHINGTON—Vowing to use the full force of the bureau to crack down on anyone who thwarted the values and aims of the United States through such an act, FBI Director Kash Patel formally classified not finishing a hamburger as seditious activity Thursday. “Let me say this loud and clear: Failing to eat your entire hamburger, regardless […]
theonion.com
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