If you read my last blog you know I have been struggling with trying to cope with only really having one leg. Two weeks into this disability and I was already loosing my mind. Well things have gotten a little better, I am proud to report. I still have my cast on but I am coping with things a little better. I have returned to work so it's good to be getting out of the house. I still struggle doing the easiest of tasks but just not letting myself get down about it and planning the appropriate amount of time to finish them.

 

 

I have been on crutches now for two weeks. In that short period of time I have not only learned a lot about myself, but I have gained a lot of empathy for people who are disabled. This has only been a short period in my life, but for some people, this is their everyday, and to magnify what I have been experiencing in that period across a lifetime just sounds like a nightmare to me, and I would wish it on no one.

The Last Two Weeks
As soon as I tore my Achilles, I was taken to the hospital, put in a splint and given crutches. I've never used crutches before and I was much like a baby learning how to walk. I would wobble all over the place and have a hard time keeping my balance. Much like a baby, though, I learned more and more everyday how to use the crutches and have even gotten pretty good at them. If I have a clear straight away, I get get some good speed going!

Not being able to do some of the easiest tasks in the world has been rough. Even the simple things, like going to the bathroom, are so tough. I can't help my wife clean the house much, and doing yard-work is definitely out of he question. Obviously I can't exercise, which is usually a relaxing activity for me. For the first couple days when I was getting waited on, I almost thought it was going to be cool, but the more and more people waited on me, the more pathetic I felt. Having to ask someone to get you water, condiments, or just to carry your plate for you, seems so terrible to me. I pride myself on doing everything for myself, and being able to help others at the same time. Being in a position where I am receiving all the help but not able to provide much help is new to me, and I don't like it.

Some people have even been rude. Very rude. Especially at grocery stores. It was amazing to me to notice how inconsiderate people are at the grocery store. I'm on crutches people! As I pointed out above, I don't like taking hand outs but to hold the door open for someone who clearly can't, seems to me to be a part of human nature, or at least it should be. When you see someone who is disabled, try to make sure you don't impede their path, it's hard enough for them to get around as it is. One lady just stopped walking right in front of me the other day. Who does that? There have even been people attempting to make crude jokes, and falling flat. Why make jokes? If I'm like this permanently, is it still funny?

I don't understand how people can be so rude sometimes, especially to those who are disabled. I weep for humanity.. and it's only been two weeks.

The Disabled Life
When I think about what I have experienced, and what it must be like if I had been doing this for the 32 years of my existence on this planet, I can't begin to fathom what my mental state would be. Not being able to get up and down stairs with ease. Having to ask everyone else for help all the time. Not being able to open the door, just not being able to do everyday functions that the rest of us take for granted. Then, having to deal with peoples jokes, peoples rudeness and simply not doing what seems would be natural and try to make life easier for the person whom already has a rough life. My mental state would not be able to handle it. To think this is my life for the next 3 months, AT LEAST, is depressing.

Yet, somehow, whenever I see someone in a wheelchair or on crutches, they are happy and full of life. How is that? How do they find the will power to look past all the closed doors, tall flights of stairs, and rude people and still see so much joy in life? It's finding the answer to that question that is keeping me going right now. Knowing that millions of people around the world have it like me and much worse and find a way to be happy day in and day out. People who find what really important in life, focus on that, and tune everything else out, those people are my inspiration.

I've been through some tough times in my life, and made it out the other end. I know I can make it through this one too, it's just finding a way to make it through with my psyche in tact. That's the challenge, that's the goal. I will find my inspiration in others on this one, because at the end of the day, not only is a torn Achilles not THAT BAD of an injury, my pain and suffering is only temporary. There will be a time when I can jog again, and reflect back on these days and shake my head at ever letting them get me down.